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She wanted no part of that and was vicious in her actions over it with all the things she said. I agree that therapy is a very good idea at this point, but I think assuming this is a pattern and that this kid is part of a dynamic, is not helpful. They began to text afterward as she (no surprise to us) decided to unblock him by phone. They have been smart, kind, caring, family-oriented and unspoiled. My guess is this young man is getting something from having a delightfully dramatic relationship. But we remained in contact, and she is dating another guy but sees me often and says I’m still more than a friend. What are his motivations for doing so? I was determined that the next time I was going to play it cool. But then…. I have also been gratified to see that my sons’ girlfriends are amenable to spending time with us. Yes. There were plans to meet and talk about things before finalizing the breakup. Sorry forgot to add he is 15 and is basically a good kid. No one ever goes into a relationship expecting it to become emotionally abusive. He realized with time away that he cares for her but is certain he does not love her. But you want to change things and you can't change her, so listing the things she's doing to perpetuate the situation doesn't move you forward. Then I got obsessed with other ex girlfriends. Unfortunately, controlling and jealous partners can also be very manipulative and charming. For a little while after my son and his girlfriend parted ways, I decided that my friends who told me to hold off until things were “official” before getting attached had the right idea. While that may be good advice, it’s much harder to do than to say — at least it is for me. Probably. He felt betrayed that rather than end as friends he had been blocked and banned at every turn. Give him a chance to extricate himself from this situation THEN see where he goes from there. Teenage son obsessed with girlfriend? I don't know what lies my son told them, but we were very strict parents who always deeply loved our wonderful son. He also was so very upset at how bad things ended. That meeting didn't happen due to my son's rigorous schedule. Then we were in summer break with the two of them 1.5 hours apart. I said to her: “This is my favorite place in the world.”  She was surprised. Without the controlling clingy girlfriend life gets boring fast and mom isn't meddling in his life. Obviously, he's a good and caring person who allows concern for others to override concern for himself. She bashed him on campus and words got to his fraternity that he would be banned from sorority functions where the two would meet, among other things. That is why, in my earlier, comment I mentioned that the young man might want to examine his romantic patterns of attractions because this may happen again. Is there some sort of guidebook or manual for this that I don’t know about? Son’s Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid, Perhaps it’s because I don’t have any daughters, After my oldest son first started dating his girlfriend, Dear Sons, You Don’t Need a Woman to Make You a Better Man, Ten Ways You Know You’ve Found the Right Person to Love, What “Going Home” Means to My Sons Now That They are Grown, To The Woman Who Will Keep My Son’s Heart Someday, On the Eve of His Engagement, All My Son Needs, When Your Son’s New Love is the Other Woman, You May Not Want Children But Think About These 5 Things First, 11 Steps to Take If You Suspect Your Adult Child Is In An Unhealthy Relationship. HELP . There's a chemical aspect to bonding with another person. How do other people not get attached? She not only wants to know what he does 24 hours a day, she wants to know what I am doing 24 hours a day. My son is 23 and in his 3rd relationship - the first was a nice girl, the second was physically and emotionally abusive. The next time he might even marry her! To see more posts like this, see my website. Fast forward one week and the goal is now for them to be a couple again. no breaks ! The one thing that often helps people with withdrawal (and has been demonstrated to work with your son in the past) is distance from the source of the addiction. No matter what he did to show his affection is was met with a "thanks, but next time can you do this?" I don't know what else to do. He didn't like any of her friends and monopolized all of her time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here are some really nasty assumptions being made here. This young man has to be what? The second breakup was between semesters one and two. This certainly makes sense. I am not surprised that your son became irritable and distant when he was home. The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son’s former girlfriend. He shared the issues her mother had caused and how that seriously impacted how he felt. Also, you have to do something more than once for it to be a pattern. I find it hard to imagine that my feelings towards these young women would change the moment after a marriage proposal. Use it. She demanded all attention from everyone. Please get back to me and keep me up to date as your son finds his way through and hopefully out of this relationship. Will she mediate every tiff he has with a coworker? Secondly, your son is very likely a person who bonds well and deeply to others. There are few things that I feel more passionate about. Maybe I'm wrong but it seems this kid's mom is trying to be a good parent and in my opinion is right to be concerned about this abusive relationship...and that's exactly what this is, abusive. I…, As a parent, it can be incredibly scary to think about your adult child being in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. You are the one who will whisk him away, create a life with him, a family a home. Since I've made the move in March, he has spent 2 weekends here with me, the rest of the time he goes home to new jersey to be with his family. He wanted to remain friends but not in a relationship. Another friend of mine is fond of saying “You are who you are” (as you can see, my friends offer a lot of advice) and maybe she is right. Shortly after, he returned to an ex girlfriend and proceeded to abuse her as well. I would like to start by helping you understand this relationship. I worry about patterns too! he is totally commited and is very respectful. But you can only ever change yourself. Our encounter was not awkward and I was glad to see her and hear how her daughter was doing; when she was my son’s girlfriend, I had enjoyed her company. It's like crack for him. That's the much bigger problem. They're 6 months in and the guy is nothing like the first kid. And if getting at least somewhat attached is the price I pay, then I’m okay with that. 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He may get out of this relationship and quickly dig a parallel trench with the next clingy women that identifies him as low hanging fruit. We watched her take center stage at my daughter's proms so everyone had to focus on her rather than my daughter. All you can do is pay attention to how your behavior may influence him and what kind of tools you can equip him with. Reason: My son thought, again, she was too controlling. I really don’t know how other people do it. The last time, she dumped him. Gotta have the drama! Do I really have to wait until they are engaged or married before I get attached? We don't really know enough about the young man to know that he likes drama. Around week three of summer break my son came to me and said, "Mom, I am confused about [her name]. “This porch right here; in this spot next to you.” Fast forward 20 years and now…, I may have met you already, perhaps not. 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A few months ago he brought her home for a weekend, so we could get to know each other better. Update: and she breaks up with him … He proceeds to tell me the break has given him perspective. In fact, he has probably contemplated this subject more than his brothers, both of whom have stated that they plan on having children. College counseling centers have therapists who have a great deal of experience dealing with these sorts of relationship issues. The “young and in love” thing is really sweet—it is good to know my boys can be considerate and silly and tender, different from the rougher versions I typically observe. In your reply to the mother, where you detailed some of the abuse the son had experienced, you failed to detail the fact that the girlfriend bashed him on campus. You have identified many signs of emotional abuse including jealousy, extreme control, and destruction of your son's reputation. My issue is that I think my son is obsessed with her. So, she said what she needed and blocked every existence of him on social media. I guess what matters most is that my sons want me to know their girlfriends and they feel comfortable bringing them home. To thoroughly and deeply examine his patterns of romantic attractions - which appear to be unhealthy. Does Your Mother Have an Under/Over Style? He even told her he cared deeply for her and did not want to lose her from his life but he knew he did not love her in the way she needed it. I am not only concerned about his girlfriend's controlling behavior and your son's inability to find his way out of the relationship. My boyfriend begged me to move to DC with him from Jersey, My job wasn't going as planned so I transferred to a hospital in Washington and moved in. The loving and family-oriented person was short-tempered, somewhat bitter, angry in tone, excessively cursing, and the list goes on. 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