My son Jamie is nearly 50. The old voice you can conjure with your eyes closed, so for the first five minutes or so it’s disconcerting to sit and talk with Billy Connolly.
There is a family rule to Whatsapp each other pictures of dinner if they are in a restaurant. ", 18. Distractions; Jokes; 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips Billy Connolly, known affectionately in his native Scotland as “The Big Yin”, celebrated his 75th birthday last week. "I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce. “You mean, this is a disease for which we have yet to find a cure.”, “Give me a light in the tunnel for Christ’s sake!” he says. I know where my watch is pal, where the f*** is yours? ", 14.
Phone orders min p&p of £1.99, The comedian said in a BBC documentary that he felt 'near the end', Available for everyone, funded by readers, The comedian said he felt ‘near the end’ in Billy Connolly: Made in Scotland, but a tweet said ‘sorry if I depressed you’, Connolly recounts his thrilling escape from the shipyards in a vivid portrait of 1960s Glasgow, The comedian makes his way through Florida in this thoughtful travelogue that also revisits past adventures. "Marriage is a wonderful invention; but then again so is a bicycle repair kit.”, 4. ", 15. ", Billy Connolly attends the UK Film Party At Sundance, 17. Sir Billy Connolly has adopted a dog during lockdown. The kids are scattered all over now, New York, Glasgow, Los Angeles. Get wasted all the time and you'll have the time of your life.
If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.”, [To heckler] “When they put teeth in your mouth, they spoiled a perfectly good bum.”, “Bonnie Prince Charlie was the only man ever named after three sheepdogs.”, “So have you heard about the oyster who went to a club and pulled a mussel?”, “Oh wellies they are wonderful, His collected stories.
Does he feel at home at that end of the earth? “I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning... that can keep me awake for days.”, 12. New York 2005.
But getting famous was good. "The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. "I'm a huge film star... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f---ing minutes. Billy Connolly (Image: Media Scotland) "There are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter."
Babies pretend to be dead. I thought ‘Fuck this’. After that who cares? Personally, I think its bollocks.”, “Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.”, “I get claustrophobic easily and I don’t get why aeroplane toilets don’t f***ing have windows. The screenings will also include a candid new interview, filmed exclusively for cinema audiences. Rubbish. “I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, 11.
He got the news on the same day that he was diagnosed with prostate cancer (“You’re not going to die,” the doctor told him. When he watches people up on stage does he still have a yearning to be up there too, in his element?
Mostly it helps you to not be afraid of yourself.
And I have plenty of them. I’ve got A-level guilt.”, [On Partick Thistle FC] “For years I thought the club’s name was Partick Thistle Nil.”, “I know a Scottish guy who loved his wife so much that he told her he loved her one day.”, “I’ve got Parkinson’s disease.
What can you do that’s longer?””, “One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. We are now entering the twilight zone... films that finally, Come Dine With Me, University Challenge, The Hoarder Next Door and, Rio Ferdinand issues bold challenge to Alex Ferguson's core values, Ferdinand has the right to challenge Fergie's values, 'Lazy' Dustin Hoffman inspired to direct another film, Lampshade 'made from the skins of Jewish Holocaust victims' to be sold, 'Brave' hits the bullseye as Pixar film is No 1 again, Scotland's singing siblings The Proclaimers celebrate 25 years in the, Terence Blacker: Elizabethans we would rather forget about, Last Night's Viewing: Queen Victoria’s Last Love, Channel 4, Morag Gilmartin: Political activist and veteran of the CND movement, You want a successful comedy video, you need an 18 certificate: Mark, COMEDY / Fool with your life: James Rampton reviews Billy Connolly at, Richard Drewett: Producer who launched 'Parkinson', Craig Murray: A secret history of the kilt, Two hundred diners in search of a stereotype and celluloid Scots, THE CRICTICS FILM: Today suburbia, tomorrow the world, Film: Also showing: Like driving with the brakes on, The Big Question: What does the Territorial Army do, and how has its, Family seek to take the sex out of Hendrix, Arguments for Easter: The day when even God needs a scapegoat, Billy Connolly, HMV Apollo Hammersmith, London, THE CRITICS : Always look on the black side of life, Unpaid, unsung and ready to tell the truth. The thing therapy can teach you is you have to employ forgiveness in life. "Don't vote, it just encourages them.". You know, the first time I had a sell-out at the London Palladium? He has a phone and he can do email. "Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.". He doesn’t know what Facebook does. To order a copy for £17.60 go to guardianbookshop.com or call 0330 333 6846.
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", 28.
“Talk about Trump, though, look who you’ve got now over here: fucking soft boy.” It’s a relief to be a few thousand miles away from Brexit, he says. He practically invented it, Billy Connolly at 75: Eddie Izzard, Armando Iannucci and more salute 'Beatles of comedy'. “My father had bought a record called Dear Mary, by Slim Whitman, at the Barrowland market in Glasgow.
“Loosen your trousers, untie your shoes and just sit with your eyes closed for 10 minutes or so. ", 6. It was a lovely feeling. It’s anti-social media’. And you have to talk to each other.
I have met and interviewed Connolly once before, nearly 20 years ago.
From the "Too Old to Die Young" tour, Billy Connolly: ‘Getting famous was like going up a helter-skelter backwards’, Billy Connolly assures fans he's not dead after sombre BBC show, 'Not dying, not dead' : Sir Billy Connolly sends reassuring musical message to fans – video, Billy Connolly: Made in Scotland review – pure gallus from a folk comedy hero, Billy Connolly’s Ultimate World Tour review – a reflective reminder of his brilliance, Billy Connolly retiring from standup? Open the window a wee bit, so you can hear a few noises.”, “It does. We met in a hotel bar on one of those baking days of summer.
To celebrate we have compiled 75 of the stand-up legend’s finest jokes, one-liners and quips. He pauses for a moment, structuring the next thought. ORDER YOUR COPY OF GLASGOW & WEST COAST COOK BOOK WITH RECIPES FROM TOP RESTAURANTSeval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'glasgowist_com-medrectangle-4','ezslot_4',108,'0','0'])); Digital Editor. What do they expect to find. I mean it’s not as if anyone can f***ing see in. Beyond those pictures Connolly’s relationship with social media is “deliberately sparse”.
He thought it was a hymn, I think, but it was a country song,” He sings a couple of bars in a mournful falsetto: “I am writing this letter Dear Mary…” “I loved it and my dad went back to the market and asked if they had anything else like that. It’s completely nuts.”, Connolly has a foot in Europe with a house on the island of Gozo, off Malta, which he bought after his manager, Steve Brown, moved there.
He also described growing old as an “adventure”. Why fucking not?”, “I fear I become a pain in the arse at times. There are a lot of people running away from regular society: cross-gender people; guys who just fish or lie on the sidewalk. People drive down to Key West for the sunset and cheer when it disappears over the horizon. Watch Billy Connolly: Made in Scotland on the BBC iPlayer here. “Aye,” he says, with a beatific smile. When the sun goes down each night, I’m pretty content,” he says, and pauses. ", 13. “They are making extraordinary advances.
"I was brought up as a Catholic. But it’s not terrible.” He had a doctor who told him: “You have to understand this is an incurable disease.” Connolly corrected him abruptly. It ended up two pages long. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.”, “Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. He still goes when he can. “Of course I’m not going to fucking die,” Connolly replied. After that who cares? My favorite Billy Connolly sketch ever! And then they showed all the things that the EU had funded in their town. Billy Connolly's a shocking comedian. I can’t get my legs over.” He smiles. Date with Billy: Mexican Food bananarider69. It feels as if everything is being taken away from you and you watch it go. Sir Billy Connolly reveals his eldest son, 50, is battling addiction to drink and drugs in latest episode of his ITV travel series.
Before he knew it she had found and bought the house in Key West. “Your priorities change. Billy Connolly was born in Dover Street, in Anderston, Glasgow. “It’s OK,” he says. Now this book is out, I ask if he has any plans to write a proper memoir. “It is important to hold on to that,” he says. How his mother had literally walked out on him and his sister when they were toddlers and they were apparently by themselves for some days before being discovered and reluctantly taken in by aunts.
Wellington boots?”, “Ally MacLeod (then Scotland football manager) thinks tactics are a new kind of mint.”, “I used to be a folk singer but I was dreadful. I know thousands of words but I still prefer f***.”, “Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?”, “What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. I have to correct it. He also said his philosophy of life was "F--- the begrudgers". This was 50 years ago. I’d like to write songs again.
“It is dead easy. Probably not soon enough for me. Sections.
The latest breaking news, comment and features from The Independent. Sun 6 Oct 2019 10.00 BST But Parkinson’s is like that. I suggest that he has worked pretty hard for that over the years. “I’m doing it now. I’m not too keen on Born-the-first-time Christians.”, “When people say while watching a film ‘did you see that? © 2020 Guardian News & Media Limited or its affiliated companies. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?”, 8.
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